I'm here again with my stupid monotonous religious life that I never wanted too. I'm living in a suburban of malay area. It is too monotonous untill I feel choked by the people around me, same faces same shit. Same surroundings, the only moment that I had ever felt very happy when we were traveling to Turkey, again, sending my sister studying abroad, again my heart being tortured, wanting the same thing. I have always wanted to study further, they kept saying I am smart, gifted and all but I'm still here, depressing and it worsen day by day that I can get very impatient. A lot of my own plans have been cancelled by them. I used to rebel against their method of diciplinize me, but no they dont care. They never care, I have never ever felt so appreciated whenever i am with them. All the things that I was dreaming about on, well, it is still dreams. I am 25 years old, living with parents, no money, have been bullied in my university, mentally sick and nothing i could do about
I think my life is pretty much ruined. I tried everything. Almost everything. I'm not known for my achievement which I dont have any. I'm not known for my hardwork which didnt acknowledge by anyone. I felt like my life is crumbling everyday. I hardly have any friends that could keep up with me. They're only find me whenever they wanrt something from me. My soul is aching my heart is wrenching. My life is getting more empty without anyone by my side. I ask for God's help but i think it didnt reach me. Maybe because of my sins like a mountain. I wanted to feel belonging, to feel accepted, mot being insulted, slandered, hated, avoided. I am becoming more crazy everyday, I dont feel like a human anymore, i got rejected, and dsumped by guys that i dont feel likev wanting to have any man to love anymore. I am now been denying