Disappointment

I'm here again with my stupid monotonous religious life that I never wanted too. I'm living in a suburban of malay area. It is too monotonous untill I feel choked by the people around me, same faces same shit. Same surroundings, the only moment that I had ever felt very happy when we were traveling to Turkey, again, sending my sister studying abroad, again my heart being tortured, wanting the same thing. I have always wanted to study further, they kept saying I am smart, gifted and all but I'm still here, depressing and it worsen day by day that I can get very impatient. A lot of my own plans have been cancelled by them. I used to rebel against their method of diciplinize me, but no they dont care. They never care, I have never ever felt so appreciated whenever i am with them. All the things that I was dreaming about on, well, it is still dreams. I am 25 years old, living with parents, no money, have been bullied in my university, mentally sick and nothing i could do about it.

About guys, I fucking hate it too. Well, I just got to admit that I am a bit stupid when it comes to relationship. I sometimes went to hard, that it come off a little bit too aggresive and early to start a relationship, and a bit too shy to further it sometimes. I ended up being single, it kinda makes me happy somehow. It has more freedom and no mind games involved. I seriously only want a peaceful life, without hussle and bussle, I could just study at home without having too much people in a room. but wait a sec. do I even got a room? no I dont. This house is ugly and it's old and sting with a lot of old furnitures. Plus living with my stupid brothers are hell for me. I complained a lot but hell they would care. While my parents a bit too hard to deal with, they always right and it cant stop.